Game On Cafe

How I'd Fix Video Games pt.1

2007-01-12T13:08:00.000-05:00

This is the first in a series of posts intended as a thought dump of general ideas of how I'd fix common foibles in game design. This is mostly for my own catalogue of things not to do, but if you don't want to be a douche-bag game designer (DBGD) I'd recommend considering the following. I understand that you can't catch every bug and implement every feature, but having these in mind when making game play descisions and designing mechanics is the first step in not being a DBGD.

1. Don't make the player wait through your delightful and clever interface animation. A player with 2+ hours under his belt will know where he wants to go in your navigation by rote memory. He doesn't need to watch the interface slide, fade, or twirl with jazzy sparkles. Stop wasting the players' lives with Jazzy Sparkle.

1.a I've seen your cutscene, I died, I don't need to fucking sit through it again. I know you've spent a lot of time get the light to reflect of the main character's hair 'just-so', but the frustration I felt getting my ass handed to me a second ago is now achieving a chain combo effect that's preparing to drop a massive amount of counter gems on the enjoyment I was once feeling for your game. LOVE FOR YOU!

Living in the Shadow of Miyamoto

2007-03-12T13:21:00.000-05:00

There's a great article on Gamasutra about a naught mentioned designer behind the Zelda games following Ocarina of Time, Eiji Aonuma.

It goes a long way to explain to the ennui I've felt playing Twilight Princess and the force Nintendo calls "gamer drift" which is a disenfranchisement felt by gamers who feel that there's nothing new to see. While Aonuma knew about this trend after his experience with Wind Waker, the same feeling of "Been there, done that" is rampant in Twilight Princess and was only exacerbated by a convoluted control scheme plagued by over-used context sensitivity.

Still, at least they know about it.

Gamasutra: Aonuma's Reflections On Zelda

Devil May Crybabies

2007-03-23T07:34:00.000-05:00

Some crazy kids got their panties in a mighty uproar over the idea of previously PS3 exclusive, Devil May Cry 3 going cross-platform and will henceforth boycott all future Capcom products. You know, 'cause they're fed up with Capcom "demoralizing [...] not only the gamers, but also Sony itself." Those charlatans.

Link via Joystiq

Nintendo's Virtual Console List as translated by Google

2007-04-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

Favorites include:

rentahiro
wandaboi
Legend of zeruda
marioburazazu
Arithmetic play New of donkikongu Jr.

[Linku]

Chapter 4: Crecente kicks butt

2007-04-17T14:49:00.000-05:00

Brian Crecente throws research and level-headedness in the face of Miami's most thick-headed lawyer.

[Link] via Kotaku

Seanbaby shits in your future's mouth

2007-04-20T16:14:00.000-05:00

In the afterword to the Video Game Career Guide, Paid to Play, Seanbaby drops some science in your think hole.

[Link] via Seanbaby.com

Apocalyptica

2007-04-24T08:47:00.000-05:00

In a spin on the age-old question, '3 games on a deserted island' Destructoid looks at Video Games' most enduring titles.

[Link]

I point this article mostly because of the title image, imagining myself saying those same words after the world gets blown to shit.

To their list, I'd append Castlevania: SotN, Full Throttle and Super Puzzle Fighter.

Design Idea

2007-04-27T16:54:00.000-05:00

Science Magician or alternatively, Magic Scientist
That's all.

Sound the Obvious Alarm

2007-04-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

Virtual Console Downloads Declining

[Link] via Next Gen

Shirts no one should wear pt1

2007-04-30T09:46:00.000-05:00

This gets tossed in the bin right next to the ever brilliant Hot Topic classic, "Don't make me go Zelda on You."

Who green-lights this shit?

Playing Pocket Pool with Devil May Cry 4

2007-05-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

Saw this gem on GameWallpapers and it immediately set off the klaxxon wail of the WTF alarm. Can someone give me a hint as to why new guy Niero has his hand in Dante's pocket as they move in to seal the deal? I dunno, but it makes me go a big rubbery one just thinking of all the ways Capcom can put these guys into a big sweaty, angry man-tussle.

Oh who'm I kidding. I just hope they don't have a dude-kissin' combo multiplier.

[Link] via GameWallpapers

Dear Reader...

2007-05-17T08:13:00.000-05:00

Whenever I open Photoshop, I peripherally scan the splash image as the plugins and fonts and such are being loaded. When I scan, though, I always think I see a celebrity's name listed on the splash image credits and think, "I wonder what Kevin Costner, Scott Baio and Robin Williams contributed to Photoshop's development"

That's all. I just thought you should know.

Jack Tretton hopes someone will make good games for the PS3

2007-05-18T08:31:00.000-05:00

From an interview with Reuters:
"Hopefully content helps to deliver the proof points and the justification behind the cost of the machine."

When the CEO of Sony America wistfully imagines a world where developers and publishers create compelling software for his overpriced, luxury gamebox, you've got to do a double take.

[Link] via Kotaku

Sam Fisher gets a little Metro

2007-05-18T08:38:00.000-05:00

Looks like Sam has been going the same stylist as our hetero questionable hero, Leon from Resident Evil 4

[Link] via GamesRadar

HABEUS CORPUS! Phoenix Wright causes Blogger legalese!

2007-05-30T07:22:00.000-05:00

Why is it that every newsbyte about the Phoenix Wright series begins with either "OBJECTION" or "TAKE THAT"? We get it. Ipso facto, those are Phoenix's catchphrases, but that doesn't give them carte blanche to impose an injunction on jurisprudence, vis-a-vie, STFU.

DRM or not, your songs know who you are

2007-05-31T14:40:00.001-05:00

According to an Ars Technica article with some hex snooping by the Electronic Frontier Foundation, it looks like any song you transfer from iTunes will be branded with your full name and email in addition to 360k of "mystery information."

Spooky.

[Link]@ArsTechnica

Balancing Puzzle Fighter

2007-08-06T15:32:00.001-05:00

I haven't read many developer-direct blog posts regarding game balance, and this one is regarding play balance in Super Puzzle Fighter, once of the most engaging 2-player puzzle games ever conceived.

Hot stuff.

[Link]

Mark it in your day planner

2007-08-21T21:54:00.000-05:00

[Ohboysies]

Put that in your pipe and inject it into your pleasure core, then gleefully roll around in feces for awhile.

Happy Birthday Faggot!

2007-09-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

Hope you get your present today, it could quite possibly be the greatest gift that ever existed since the dawn of man, or not, whatever. By the by if you didn't notice apple is clearing out the 4gb iphone for only $299 bottom of the page on the right. So yeah we broke down and Renee and I should have ours either tomorrow or Monday. Damn their sleek svelt techno beauty. Peace Out!

It's so funny, because it's so true

2007-09-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Games Radar is sporting an eerily accurate article about old school and a few new school games that have heroes leaning heavily on the creative influence of some hollywood dreamboats/scumbags.

[Link]

Happy talk like a Pirate day

2007-09-19T08:35:00.001-05:00

Remember to hoist yer mainsail and watch your booty, I hear there's lots of butt pirates in your territory. Later Matey!

Chun-Li gets cock slapped

2007-09-28T17:22:00.000-05:00

Seen on the official Capcom Store.

Is that what I think it is, next to Chun-Li's face?

If so, she seems mighty calm for someone about to get a cheek-ful of balogna.

[Link]

Sexy Videogame Costumes make everyone get all degenerate

2007-10-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

This page isn't nearly as interesting for the content (which is pretty worthwhile) but for the unabashed creepiness of the ensuing comments. Shame on the internets for convincing perverted, socially awkward guys that it's OK to tell everyone about their lurid deviancy without the decency to feel ashamed of their knotted, slimy black desires.

[ Link ]

OH MY SHIT! Bionic Commando swings again!

2007-10-15T20:56:00.000-05:00

Bionic Commando gets a remake.

Dude's got dreads and some other goofy stuff going on, and he's not nearly as rad as my rendition to the right, but I will take what I motherfucking get.

[ Link ]

Scroll-o-tron 9k

2007-10-18T11:40:00.000-05:00

I've started an initiative to plug bits of hair and teeth into the Flash sidescroller basework I created a while back.

I'll be attempting to post an update a week or until I forget about it.

These two jerks are to blame:
http://egometry.com/
http://speveril.northknight.com/